Thursday, September 23, 2010

My Big Sister

I was Blessed to be a middle child. I have the opportunity of having older brothers and sisters as well as younger brothers and sisters. My older sister and I have not always seen eye to eye. When I was younger I looked up to her, I was the bug a boo sister who would always follow her around and always tried to hang out with her and her friends. She hated it and always tried to beat me up or tried to run away from me. My mom always yelled at my sister to be nice to me and yet she would not. She didn't know at that time that I just admired her and I wanted to hang out with her. As the years passed by we did get closer and closer. Our Closest time was when she was pregnant with my nephew. I was 13 and we were inseparable. We were always together, everything she did and everywhere she went I was right by her side, and its funny looking back on this now because as much as she hated me being around when I was younger during this time she wanted me to be around, and if I wasn't around she would come looking for me. I look back on those times with Fond memories and lots of smiles and laughter. As the years past we slowly drifted apart we went our separate ways and we went thru a lot of hurt and pain. During that time that we had drifted apart I met the man of my dreams and I became his wife and I had our first son and all of this my sister missed. There was not a day that went by that I didn't pray for my sisters and her struggles. I wanted so badly for her to be with me during the happiest moment in my life and she was not able to be. I couldn't help to be hurt even though I knew that she had her own struggles that she was dealing with. It hurt that she turned away our help. It hurt because I no longer had my sister to share all of my issues with and to cry on her shoulder when I needed to like before....At this point in life she was running from me. All I wanted to do was to be her sister and to help her with her struggles and she was running from me. I guess the saying that you can't help someone who doesn't help themselves first is true. It was a long 3 years that I prayed nonstop for my big sister and she was always on my mind. Now almost 4 years later my big sister is back in our lives and we are so happy. She has had to overcome some struggles that some people will never even begin to understand. She has come along way and is content with her life the way it is now. She is finally at peace with herself and with everything she has gone thru it has made her a stronger person. We are now as close to each other as ever. I know she feel like I quit caring for her while she was having her issues, but I have never stopped loving my big sister. She is my only big sister and she means the world to me.....when she was hurting I was hurting, she just didn't see that. She is back to her old self and I am so happy about that. I see a great future ahead of her and I am so happy that I am able to be part of that. I love my big sister more then words can express and I am so happy she has overcome all her struggles and she is strong enough for any other struggles that are thrown her way. With God Nothing is impossible.....and now that she knows this and understands it......Shes alright. :o)

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Am I alone out there in this world????

Am I alone out here in this world?? Sometimes I feel like I am.....Thats how I have been feeling 95% of the time lately.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Struggles

So I have been gone for awhile now. I have had a lot on my plate and a lot on my mind. The struggles of life can really bring a person down. I have had my fair share of struggles lately. I have moments where I let them get the best of me...and I have moments where I don't let them bother me at all...I keep on moving. I can honestly say right now I have let it get the best of me more then ever. I have never been one to give up. I keep it moving until I physically can not go on anymore. Well that is where I am at right now....Or where I was recently. I reached my breaking point. I was ready to give up. My faith was slowly slipping away. I had let what I believe in so much slip away from me and since I let it slip away I had forgotten it. I had broken down and was letting the devil get the best of me. I was taking my frustrations and sorrows out on all the people I love and I started to bottle stuff up and since I started to do this I started to get depressed and I started to keep to myself. I started blocking out anyone I loved, including my husband. My Husband was able to bring me back to reality. God had a plan for us all, we may not know why we have to go thru things at the time that they happen to us...But God knows and it is all part of his plan. We will understand the reasoning behind it all one day...Until that day comes along....Keep on Moving, Never Lose Faith...Let Go and Let God Handle it....Its all apart of a bigger plan.

This song is a good reminder that he is always with us...Even when we think hes not.

Meredith Andrews - Can Anybody Hear Me (2009 Video & Lyrics)


I am grateful for the life I have and for the children I was blessed with...Some people aren't as lucky as I have been. When life throws us a curve ball, we tend to forget all the blessing we have. Enjoy them and Cherish every Moment.......

Live, Laugh and Love

Amanda